7 things the sibling of a disabled person experiences

Obviously, having a disabled member of the family is hard on the parents. They have to pay for any medications, take their child to the hospital for regular checkups, take them to therapy, find ways to help their child do things despite their disabilities, and are responsible for the child's whole life. But no one really knows how it affects the sibling of a disabled child. The sibling's story is overlooked and unheard. These are some things I've learned from the experience of growing up with my disabled brother...

1. You get embarrassed.
At a young age, I was embarrassed by the way my brother talked, the way he seemed like my younger brother when he was really older than me, and the way my parents had to constantly take care of him. Whenever he had a seizure, everyone would stare at him. I remember one time when we were at a restaurant, my brother suddenly had a seizure. No one around us knew what was going on. All dialogue stopped as they all stared, horrified, at my brother, who was shaking and making a loud moaning sound. I wanted to run away and hide. I wanted to escape from my own body and pretend I was part of a different family.

2. You wonder why.
I remember how it felt when kids my age would come up to me and ask, "why is your brother so weird? Why does he talk like that? Why does he walk like that? How old is he again?" I didn't have any answers. I would go home and ask my mom countless times, "Why do I have to have a brother like that? Why can't I have a normal brother, like everybody else?" My mother's eyes would mist over whenever I asked that question, and she would just answer, "God gave him to our family."

3. You compete for your parents' attention.
My parents were always occupied with my brother. My brother would randomly have a seizure at an unknown time, so my parents always had to hold on to him. When I was little, I didn't think this was fair. I sometimes felt like my parents liked my brother better than me. As a result, I did everything I could to make sure my parents were proud of me. I tried hard in school, earned good grades, and relished every pat on the back they gave me.

4. You compete for others' attention.
When we would go to church or meet friends of the family, my brother would always be the focus of the conversation. People would immediately run over to hug him, ask him how he was doing, and give him little gifts. Although it was obviously because they knew about his conditions, at a young age I couldn't grasp why nothing I did seemed to earn me the level of recognition that my brother got. I felt so small and invisible next to him. I didn't understand why people wouldn't treat me the same way or give me the same attention, especially when I seemed to be putting in so much effort to please my parents and please other people around me. They seemed to love my brother exactly how he was, yet the only time I got any sort of recognition was when I worked really hard at school and earned a good grade.

5. When they get bullied, you feel the pain.
Even though I was embarrassed, even though I wondered why, and even though I competed with my brother for the attention of everyone around us, I still felt obligated to protect him. Whenever kids made fun of him, I would tell them off for it. I guess it's the same for every sibling. Although you do fight all the time and sometimes you even feel like you hate your brother or sister, when they are being bullied, you always feel the pain and try to help them out. My brother protected me too, in any way that he could. He was always making sure I was okay. Though his disabilities limited him, he was always looking out for me.

6. Through them, you see how your family members rely on each other.
My brother required so much attention that sometimes even my parents felt overwhelmed. Thankfully, my grandparents would step in when times were hard. They were my brother's biggest supporters, encouraging my mom when she felt worn out and giving my parents advice. I saw their love for my brother and really learned to appreciate their support. I also saw how my parents worked together in harmony to raise my brother. I believe it was really instrumental in their marriage, allowing them to lean on each other and stay together in times of adversity.

7. You gain appreciation for disabled people.
Although I was embarrassed by my brother at first and thought he was taking my parents away from me, as I got older I began to understand how his disabilities required so much support and attention from every member of our family and how this drew our family closer. I saw how he coped with situations where his disabilities limited him, and I saw the beautiful, innocent heart in him that always sought to make others around him happy. This broke a lot of the bitterness I had towards him when I was little. I began to appreciate him, to love him, and to be proud that I was his sister. I would never have gained an appreciation or sympathy for people with disabilities if it weren't for him. I shudder to think that I might have been like one of those children who made fun of my brother. I wouldn't be the same without him in my life.

Today, I am passionate about speaking out against discrimination aimed at the disabled. I love sharing my story because I know there are so many out there who have gone through or are going through the same things I did. More people need to know how it feels when these people are not welcomed into society, and how it affects the family members.